Over the last few years, I’ve done some hard inner work.  You know, that work on yourself where you actively have to rewrite your own narrative of how you view yourself?

Oh yeah, thaaaaaat work.  It’s the work that is never really done, and the work that is quite honestly, some of the hardest I’ve ever had to do.

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Because like many of you, I grew up with these negative narratives of who I was whether that came from family, my peers, the media, and my own dang voice inside my head. You know, the voice that tells you you’re not good enough or pretty enough.  The voice that beats yourself up for when you mess up, or the voice inside you that gets frustrated with your own dang self when you seem to miss the bar for your own expectations.

Yesterday on the gram, I shared with you my intentions for the week (and for life really).  My first intention was:

  • Be kinder to myself in my thoughts and redirect negative self-talk into positive affirmations.

I shared this because lately, I’ve been really hard on myself. It’s only been 2.5 weeks of being back in CA, but I already found myself being critical for not having everything figured out yet. Going from the hustle of New York and living a life where my days were jam packed, to the slower, less busy days of Orange County messed with my a brain a bit.  Since I’m so used to multi-tasking and getting a million things done in one day, I found myself being so hard on myself for taking days off and actually resting.  I found myself labeling myself as lazy and beating myself up if I didn’t spend my time crossing off all the things on my checklist in one day. And then there’s this added layer of not having a job lined up yet and feeling like I’m not working towards a “purpose.”  I think so many of us root our identities in the jobs and careers we take on.  I didn’t realize how much of my identity surrounded my job until I become jobless.  Not knowing what my next move is or where I’m headed started to do funny things to my head.  I noticed the narrative of how I talked to myself become more negative.

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And so I had this moment where I snapped myself out of self-pity and realized that all of these things –a period of rest, uncertainty, a chance to start fresh, the opportunity to be back with my family and press the reset button my health– are such blessings and is a privilege I have. So I stopped those negative voices inside my head and started rewriting the narrative.

I am lazy. I am fortunate to be able to rest and take a break from work.

I have no purpose. I am currently searching for the next job opportunity that aligns to my passions, strengths, and desires for a work-life balance.

I am lost. I am creating the life I desire and that takes time and patience.

I am smart, worthy, capable, and will get back on my feet when the timing is right.

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And so when I find myself going down the spiral of self-pity, I commit to affirming my abilities. It’s something I’ve had to actively practice and legitimately verbalize out loud.  My worth is not measured by my job.  My success is not measured by a checklist of items society says I need to have accomplished right now. And just by simply re-writing those thoughts in my brain through a positive lens, it’s dramatically improved my headspace and my ability to feel productive in a day.  I challenge you to give it a try and see how it can affect you instantly.

Ultimately, I’m doing the best I can…aren’t we all? I think the greatest lesson here I’m learning is to have compassion for myself, the journey of life, the highs and lows, and the moments of uncertainty.

And so if you’ve found yourself talking negatively to yourself, I want you to pause your thinking.  Reverse that thought.  Rewrite that sentence so that you’re positively framing the situation. There’s truly a blessing in every situation, even if we can’t see it now.  Give yourself grace and continue believing and owning your magic. Because it’s in you and I see it.  And so just like it’s important to walk with that confidence, we’ve got to talk to ourselves with that same confidence and compassion.  Walk it, talk it, live it, breathe it, believe it. And keep shining on, sweet friends.

P.S. Leave me a comment with a positive affirmation about yourself! I’d love to hear from you!

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What I’m wearing:

Nikita Blouse from Irene’s Story; $32

Madewell Wide-legged Pants (bought on sale two summers ago!)

Wedges by Franco Sarto from TJ Maxx

I can’t find the exact pair online so here are some similar options!

Retro Straw Purse from Amazon; $23

Pastel Cat Eye Sunglasses from Loft; $15